My days in the jungle were absent
of terror. It was my time in absentia
that proved most frightful. The hiding
from anything that challenged my sense
of anonymity. The idea that someone
would notice. I could not believe that
this kept me from living. But it did.
Too many times I scared myself into
believing. Too many things that were
untrue. And it all seemed so real to me.
It all played to my not-so-tardy time-felt
backyard lag-behind. The bird that fished
for water. The fish that couldn't swim.
Why does a personal history have to stick?
Someone said to me that I should get out
of my shell. That I should get into the game.
That "that" doesn't happen anymore. Yeah?
Did it happen to you? What do you know?
It really doesn't. It really never did, except
in the moment that it was "real." Reality
keeps on changing its mind.
I bought a pair of rollerblades.
Lawrence Carradini is the author of BURNING
HEADS, VB Documentation Enterprises, Natick, Massachusetts. Numerous
publication credits include recent publication or acceptance for
publication in The Cafe' Review, Mobius, and Contemporary Foreign
Literature, Nanjing University (Nanjing, China). He is currently
living in Lowell, Massachusetts.