The answer to a student’s eternal question:  Why do we have to learn this?

To Jeff who fancies himself “the leader of human evolution,” let me assure him,
like our species, he is an evolutionary dead end, which is why I teach that topic

to Cheyenne who endures two courses and fifty labs of class time with Jeff this year,
her high school diploma is her ultimate causation, which is why I teach that topic

to Kevin whose spirit animal is the orca, he insists he would survive a hostile encounter
with the ocean’s keystone predator, which is why I teach that topic

to George who swears Kevin would rather live one hundred years as a sheep
than one year as a lion, there is safety in the herd, which is why I teach that topic

to Kristen who insists her joints are “ankle knobs” and vows to graduate on all fours,
a human skeleton is intended only for bipedal movement, which is why I teach that topic

to Grace who sadly trusts the lessons of Long Island Medium Theresa Caputo
over the value of CRISPR-CAS9 gene editing technology, which is why I teach that topic

to Logan who cackles at Abigail, flips her off and swears like a trooper every goddamned
day, clearly her FOXP2 genotype matches her phenotype, which is why I teach that topic

to Haley whose microbiome betrays her immune system or vice versa, no one
really knows what’s up with her swollen lymph nodes, which is why I teach that topic

to Inderpreet who involuntarily volunteers himself for nearly every demonstration
then cuts himself with a butter knife, blood is always red, which is why I teach that topic

to Gianna who, at 98 pounds, consumes more calories, sodium and cold cuts in one meal
than I do in one week, her metabolism cannot endure forever, which is why I teach that topic

to Olivia who fancies herself a noble gas, unreactive and invisible, then calls me a snake
for giving an exam, know this:  a serpent’s venom is prey-specific, which is why I teach that topic

to Noah who forgets to do homework, forgets to study and forgets to come to my midterm,
yet somehow remembers the function of the brain’s amygdala, which is why I teach that topic

to Ryan who does less work than Noah, a thermodynamic impossibility, considering
total entropycannot decrease over time, which is why I teach that topic

to Lauren who answers every question without raising her hand, talks over me while
responding to her own questions and interrupts me while I teach every topic

to every student who asks, “Mr. Mennecke, can I get a pass to…” the bathroom, cafeteria, athletic
office, nurse, guidance, main office, my locker, my car; it’s a wonder I have time to teach any topic.